A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
