You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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