Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
