I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
