I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
