Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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