I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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