Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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