your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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