so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
