O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my being single is dangerous.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
