Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
