The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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