I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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