Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
