I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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