i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
