sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
