3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize