i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
