the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
