apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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