i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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