4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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