Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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