I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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