i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
