Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The struggles of a small town man whore
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
