how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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