roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i think im in europe. pls send help
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize