i wish there were pregnant emoticons
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
