we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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