shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
