I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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