I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
