I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The air taste purple.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
