You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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