what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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