Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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