there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
