Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
