and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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