ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
