omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
