i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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