but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
