I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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