Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
