I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
