pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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