I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He passed out mid-signature
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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