My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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