if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
