party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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