I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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