Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Randomize
