She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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