last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
