i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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