I'm drive I can fine osifer
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize