Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
