Nicole vs. Life
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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