goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
