he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize