well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
