The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
