if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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