shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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