what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Let's paint friendship bongs
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize