my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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