Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
this boner is exhausting
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
