I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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