I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
