Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
