You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
