i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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