You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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