I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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