My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
