I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
