also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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